03-Average Problems
by Chronic Guardian
Summary: What happens when an ace attorney meets with an accidental shaman, a snarky soul sabre, and a lovestruck average high school student while trying to investigate the Reapers' Game? For Element Legend. It's nice to stop and smell the roses once and a while... [Twelve Shots of Summer:Trinity Limit]


**03-Average Problems**

By Chronic Guardian

 **Author's Note:** **Written for Twelve Shots of Summer: Trinity Limit [week 3: Hold Nothing Back/Your Average Joe]**

Scene: The Wildkat Cafe

[Lights come up on a cafe with a door to stage left and a counter stage right with a black board propped against it and muffins and donuts in glass cases on top. A stuffed animal cat sits by the cash register. The menu is scrawled on the blackboard with a simple but elegant handwritten font (in Japanese if possible). Tending the counter and kitchen is a young woman who seems to be running the restaurant alone. She has long, straight blonde hair and wears headphones. She is dressed in black and white with a white button up dress shirt (sleeves rolled up to her elbows), a black waistcoat, a black, knee length pleated skirt, a tall black socks along with a pair of well loved mary janes. There are a few tables (four or five if it can be managed) and bar seating. Every seat in the house is taken except for at one table for four at center stage with one current occupant, LANA SKYE. LANA is professionally dressed in a black pencil skirt and blazer with a small red neckerchief and several badges over her left breast pocket. She has good posture and tends towards stoic mannerisms. She is waiting for her coffee to be brought out when she is joined by a young man, HITSUKI EBUNO. He is in his late teens to early twenties and has a mop of curly blond hair. He wears a calf-length hooded coat, black gloves, boots, and has a sword slung across his back attached to a series of belts.]

HITSUKI: [Sitting down without invitation] Miss Skye, am I right?

LANA: Indeed. And you are?

HITSUKI: [Emphatically] I'm right. We just established that.

LANA: Well, if you don't have any business with me…

HITSUKI: Oh, c'mon, don't be a wet blanket. This case is giving me the shivers as it is…

LANA: So you are my first contact then. [She gives him a measuring look as BAI enters stage left and heads for the counter. BAI has green hair spiked up in tufts at odd angles. She is wearing a forest green hoodie with 3/4 sleeves (open if desired, with a black tank top underneath), a floral or tye-dye skirt over jeans, and either brown boots or clogs. She has a bulky wrist-watch like device strapped around her wrist.] I thought someone from Soul Sabre would be a little more refined.

HITSUKI: Heh, most of 'em _are_ stuffy blowhards if ya ask me. But, as fate would have it, I was the closest available ranger and everyone else is kinda tied down at the moment, so I guess the bossman figured I wouldn't be _too_ useless for once.

LANA: I hope so. Anything is better than nothing at this point. You see, we've been getting reports lately about something… unusual going on here in Shibuya.

HITSUKI: [sarcastically] No! Really? I thought you called in Soul Sabre because you wanted us to feel important or something! [LANA stares at him until he huffs and looks away] Look, I read my briefing packet, okay? I may not be Major Shoe Shines and Pressed Trousers, but I at least do my friggin' job.

[JŌ enters stage left and goes to the counter, just as BAI leaves and starts heading for LANA and HITSUKI's table]

LANA: Good, that should make this easy then. Once our third member arrives—

BAI: [lifting up a hand as she pulls out a chair] Present! [she sits down and extends a handshake towards LANA and HITSUKI in turn] Heya! I'm Bai Cui Ju, nice to meet you. Am I too late for introductions?

LANA: [Pointing to herself and HITSUKI respectively] Lana Skye, investigations, Hitsuki Ebuno, Soul Sabre. Thank you for agreeing to aid us on such short notice, Miss Bai.

HITSUKI: You can't be serious. _She's_ our third member? She's a civilian!

BAI: Well… yeah, aren't you?

HITSUKI: [he almost slams his fist on the table before he restrains himself]

LANA: Please forgive Mr. Ebuno's… unusual fashion sense. Rest assured he is not a cosplayer.

HITSUKI: Cosplayer?! [he facepalms]

BAI: Hmm… alright. Sorry about that. If it makes you feel any better, I'm not just some random civilian. Seems I've got something you need? Or… more like _we've_ got something.

HITSUKI: [looking up] "We?"

BAI: Yup! [She lifts her arm with the wrist watch device] Me 'n my new partner. Personally, I think you might be more after him than me, though.

LANA: Do you have a steady connection then?

HITSUKI: Connection? Wait, don't tell me…

LANA: Indeed, Miss Bai has accidentally become involved in our little ghost hunt by stumbling upon a bridge to the other side. While I'm sure you'd like to run things differently, Mr. Ebuno, we're running out of options here. Previous investigations have led us to believe that this phenomenon occurs over the course of a week before vanishing. There are still some lingering effects, such as people disappearing into thin air, but the larger activity only leaves us with a few days to investigate.

BAI: I thought you said we had a week?

LANA: That would be true if we could pin point the phenomenon right as it started. As it stands, we've constantly stumbled upon it midway through, this week being no exception. We have three days.

HITSUKI: Hmph… So we're bringing out the big guns right from the get go. Hey, Clearsky, you mind if I ask you a question?

LANA: You may.

HITSUKI: What's the deal with all of you getting mixed up in this? Neither of you are Soul sensitive. Why not just leave it to Soul Sabre to sort things out?

BAI: [giggles to herself] You make it sound like we have a choice.

HITSUKI: What's so funny? I was being serious!

[At this point, JŌ leaves the counter and starts looking for a seat]

LANA: Miss Bai was chosen by her partner because she is drawn to those that need nourishment. She may not have your skills and abilities, Mr. Ebuno, but she has conviction. She is here because she believes she can help us.

HITSUKI: And you?

LANA: More or less the same. These incidents are interfering with my city, Mr. Ebuno. It is my duty to investigate. I may be able to avoid these things, but there is more at stake than my comfort.

HITSUKI: Great, so you're both self-sacrificing heroes. But seriously, why?

JŌ: [coming up to their table] Excuse me! Would you mind if I sat with you? All the other seats are taken.

HITSUKI: [to LANA] Don't tell me you added another average joe just for kicks.

JŌ: What? One of you is also Jō?

[they stare at him for a moment]

BAI: Oh, I get it! No, sorry, it's an American expression.

JŌ: American? Wow! So cool! [he sits down at the table] I should work on my English. Girls like a guy with good English, right?

HITSUKI: They also like guys with good teeth. You wanna keep yours?

JŌ: Ah! You're right! I shouldn't have ordered extra sugar with my coffee…

LANA: Calm yourself, Mr. Ebuno.

JŌ: Mr? Hmm… you guys are all pretty formal. What is this, a business meeting?

BAI: Business? Oh, no, nothing important. We were just discussing… [she trails off as she tries to think of something]

HITSUKI: [sarcastically] Poetry.

LANA: [seizing the opportunity] Indeed, poetry.

BAI: Sure, why not!

JŌ: Really? Hey! Could you give me some tips? There's this girl I'm trying to impress, see, and… well, it's not that I _need_ help impressing her, I just want to make it—

HITSUKI: We get it. The answer is—

LANA: —Yes. First start with rhyme _scheme_ , is it blank or matched?

HITSUKI: [he takes a moment to realize what LANA is actually saying before looking away] Hmph… I'll take it either way. Although, to be honest, I can do without the rhyme.

BAI: Hmmm… [looking between them] matched. Is that right?

JŌ: What's a rhyme scheme?

LANA: It's part of how you organize your poem. Usually you match the sounds of the ending lines through alternating patterns like ABAB, ABCCBA, ABBACDDC, etc. etc.

HITSUKI: Or you can admit the most telling rhyme scheme is BAD and just cut to the chase.

JŌ: Wait… aren't these alphabetical? Where's the "C" in that one? And I thought "A" came before "B"…

HITSUKI: It was a joke. What's next in the plan, Clearsky? Oh, I'm sorry, I mean the _scheme_.

LANA: Meter. Here we decide where to put the stress in each sentence and generally decide how the poem flows.

HITSUKI: We're stressing the long words. End of story. Now let's get a move on, huh?

BAI: But you can't build a poem just on the long words! You've got to have some short stuff in there to hold it together! Or are you saying we should cut out "the", "a", "at", "see", "for"—

HITSUKI: [interrupting] No, but "casual" and "time-wasting" sure would be nice to skip.

JŌ: I don't get it, those aren't short words…

HITSUKI: They are compared to "efficiency".

BAI: Actually, I think they're about the same length if you count "time-wasting" as one word.

HITSUKI: Look, if you guys aren't going to get any of my clever snide remarks would you at least not comment on them?

LANA: That seems a little hypocritical, don't you think, Mr Ebuno? If they have to hold their tongues, why shouldn't you?

HITSUKI: Because I'm trying to get us moving, Clearsky.

LANA: … Very well. Next, we have tone, which describes your word choice.

HITSUKI: Then I say we go all out, hold nothing back. [he slams his fist on the table] Smash those suckers the moment they show their face!

JŌ: [a little startled] A-are we still talking about poetry?

HITSUKI: [slowly retracts his fist and composes himself] … Yes.

BAI: So you're planning on going at it like a highschool fan fiction?

HITSUKI: Hilarious. You've got about five seconds to explain why my idea won't work, civvy.

BAI: If you just use the biggest most powerful words you can find there won't be any contrast and you'll come off as overly dramatic. That'd be like making a floral arrangement out of carnations and poinsettias and leaving out the leaves. Sure, you get lots of the pretty petals, but there wouldn't be any base to really make them shine.

HITSUKI: Let's say there's bigger things to worry about than "shining". How about then?

BAI: [she shrugs] Then why would you be doing the floral arrangement in the first place?

HITSUKI: You're switching metaphors on me. Are we done here yet?

LANA: Not quite. Jō, what sort of tone would the girl you like enjoy?

JŌ: Something romantic!

HITSUKI: Gee, you think?

BAI: Oh, hush. [To JŌ] Just don't lay it on too strong. Some girls like a guy who's hard to get.

HITSUKI: Yeah, I think we've wandered a little off topic here…

JŌ: Ah, is it making you uncomfortable, Ebuno-kun?

[HITSUKI shoots a glare]

BAI: Wait, let me try. [she lifts her wrist watch device to her face and speaks into it] You getting any of this, Karakuri?

HIRAKU: [offstage] Sorry, Bai. Girls were never really my specialty.

JŌ: Hey! You've got a smart watch? That's so cool! It reminds me of the wrist communicators they have in mecha anime and stuff. Oh! And the Super Sentai heroes.

HITSUKI: Great, maybe you can incorporate _that_ into your love poem.

BAI: [she laughs] well I guess Karakuri isn't the only one bad at understanding girls.

HITSUKI: I understand plenty. It's the playing along I'm not so good at.

LANA: Very well, that's one point off of your report card then for willful misconduct.

HITSUKI: Wait, we're being graded? Hey, that's not fair!

JŌ: What grade do I have so far?

LANA: I'll tell you later. For now we're moving on to subject. Think of why you're doing this.

HITSUKI: Because it's my job!

JŌ: For love!

BAI: I'm with Jō on this one. Love and peace!

JŌ: Oh, Bai, I had no idea!

BAI: H-hey! Not like that!

HITSUKI: [he laughs sardonically] I guess it's not all sunshine and roses in normalville, eh, Bai?

[HITSUKI suddenly jerks back as if he has been punched and holds his nose]

JŌ:H-hey! What was that?

HITSUKI: If I said it was nothing, would you leave us alone?

JŌ: Well… [he looks longingly towards the counter. The girl is just coming out with their drinks at this time and gracefully navigates the crowded cafe to reach their position.]

AMBER: Okay… sorry about the wait, folks. So that was one milk tea, a green tea machiatto, one cup of the plain, black house blend, and a standard coffee with double sugar and donuts. [She unloads her tray and gives a slight bow] Enjoy your meal!

[AMBER turns to go back to the counter and JŌ's gaze follows her]

HITSUKI: [looking between AMBER and JŌ] You're batting outta your league, buddy. Maybe aim a little lower?

BAI: I think you should go for it. How else will you know how she feels?

LANA: There's no one else at the counter. Now would probably be the best time to act…

JŌ: Okay! [he takes a dramatic gulp of his coffee before slamming the cup down and standing up] Here goes!

HITSUKI: [once JŌ has left] Well that was a fantastic waste of time. Now do I get an explanation for Karakuri slapping me? Don't think I didn't know it was him.

HIRAKU: You were making fun of Bai.

BAI: Sorry, he's kinda protective. Did I forget to mention?

HITSUKI: Protective of what? You getting your feelings hurt? [he jerks back again and glares in Bai's direction] Hey!

LANA: I suppose you haven't learned your lesson then, Mr. Ebuno...

HITSUKI: What lesson?

LANA: When I asked about why you were doing this, you answered it was your job. That's dodging the bullet, though. Allow me to press deeper: why did you choose this line of work?

HITSUKI: [snorting] Yeah, that's rich. Why don't you answer for once, Miss High-and-Mighty?

LANA: Very well. I do this so that guys like him [she gestures towards JŌ] can have average problems. I concern myself with the bigger things so that they don't have to. My job isn't to make the world like me, Mr. Ebuno, it is to create a world where people can appreciate the little things. Some of them will join me, like Bai, because they feel the same way, but we must never lose sight of what we're fighting for. We're not investigating this case just because we can, but because there is a world we are defending by doing so. Unless you appreciate that world, how can I count on you to give your best out there?

HITSUKI: … Sorry, investment isn't my play style.

BAI: Aww... That's too bad. You'd be surprised at what you can accomplish when you put down some roots.

HITSUKI: [giving a flat look in BAI's direction] You got anything snarky to add to that, Karakuri?

HIRAKU: Are you asking to take this outside, Ebuno?

HITSUKI: Oh, I thought you'd never ask. [he gets up and unslings his sword] Five minutes, loser buys winner a round of plum sake. Deal?

HIRAKU: I'll try not to beat you _too_ badly.

HITSUKI: Ha! You're on! [He exits stage left]

BAI: [she sighs and smiles while cupping her mug of tea in her hands]Then again, when your biggest problem is finding an excuse to fight, I guess that can qualify as pretty average too.

LANA: He'll learn. Now, shall we?

[Bai nods. They both take a final go at their drinks before getting up and following HITSUKI out stage left. Action shifts to the counter, where JŌ is just finishing up a dramatic monologue to AMBER]

JŌ: And so, my lady, fair and decent, give heed to words and deeds efficient! Before you stands an eager love, who will stand firm when push comes to shove. Thus as roses are red, and runny noses blow, remember the man, the one named Jō!

AMBER: [she looks uncomfortable] … Thanks. Was there something else you wanted or was that it?

JŌ: It's okay to be flustered! Don't worry, I'll always be there for you! Tomorrow, I shall return! Goodbye, my sweet dove!

[He dramatically bows and leaves stage left. From stage right a young man who is AMBER's age enters. He has a uniform like hers but with trousers instead of a skirt and dress shoes instead of mary-janes (obviously). He watches the young man go before turning to AMBER]

RUEBAN: So… he didn't want to order?

AMBER: It was nothing.

RUEBAN: Another love confession then...

AMBER: You know, honestly, I wish people would realize there are bigger things in life than telling me I'm cute.

RUEBAN: Well, if that's the worst of your worries, I'd say it's not too bad. It could be worse, we could be playing the Reapers' Game.

AMBER: Yeah… I guess you're right. Although, I do still have a partner who's snarky as he—

RUEBAN: [chuckling] Is that really such a downside? You need _something_ to keep your life interesting, don't you?

AMBER: Just don't over do it, chief.

RUEBAN: What can I say? I'm only human.

AMBER: And alive, thanks to yours truly.

RUEBAN: True, but you're anything but average.

[lights fade as they smile at each other and retreat to the kitchen. Curtain falls]

 **Author's Note:**

Confused? You probably should be. This week's entry was mostly just written to appease a few bills in the TsoS Trade Market and get all the goofy fluff out of my system. The Cast (in order of appearance) are

-AMBER HANEKOMA from **Hybrid::Mixed Feelings**

-LANA SKYE from **Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney**

-HITSUKI EBUNO from **Akikaze!**

-BAI CUI JU from **Xi** **ān Kè** **Lái**

-JŌNŌCHI SŌICHI from **Kimi Ni Todoke**

-HIRAKU KARAKURI from **I Go Around**

-RUEBAN KIRYU from **Hybrid::Mixed Feelings**

That's 6 universes and two original characters from Aviantei! Also, Hiraku's appearance was theoretically supposed to be based off of the Ghost Summon mechanics in Aviantei's upcoming original novel, Twelve-Zero-Zero, which played back into his and Bai's reason for being present since Twelve-Zero-Zero appears to have some of those Ghost monster hunting shenanigans going on similar to Bleach, TWEWY, or Final Fantasy X.

By the way, just in case you didn't catch on, Lana is here investigating the Reapers' Game. Just throwing that out there. I liked the Skye sisters a lot more than the Fey sisters in Ace Attorney, so I wanted to give Lana a chance to really shine. Originally, her role was to be handled by the Dual Trigger incarnation of Quistis Trepe.

Speaking of story telling decisions, this story over went multiple direction changes and edits over the course of the week (including today), so if it seems a little scattered, I apologize (or A-paw-logize, for all you Gravity Falls fans out there). While I definitely feel I could have gone into some more serious subjects with this setting, I felt that a one-shot wouldn't be able to properly handle that. Hence: here we are.

Finally, if you're looking for some more serious and better written things, you should definitely check out the other Twelve Shots of Summer stories produced by the rest of the Sauce Project community. Just look for stories with the [Twelve Shots of Summer] (or Twelve Shots of Summer: Second Raid/Trinity Limit) tag or look up our forum/C2 for a great collection to fill up your summer reading. Also, if you're interested in getting your game on and writing a few one shots yourself, feel free to swing by the Admissions Office and join up! We'd love to have you, average or not.

Well, I think that about does it. Stay Saucey, friends! Until next week,

-CG


End file.
